I've just been thinking lately. How nice it would be to have my own place to come home to. I lived on my own last year for the first time, and I didn't like it one bit. First of all, the place was so huge and scary and it cost alot just to keep the electricty going a month. It really was a scary place to live in. For instance. There's the huge entrance door that creaks really loudly and its really obvious when someone enters, so if someone comes inside I know because the door would creek. Well, one night I came home really late, like 3 in the morning. I stumbled in, and lied face down on my bed. I didn't really feel like sleeping yet, so I took out my notepad and started writing down things I had to do the next day. At the corner of my eye, I seen this thing kind of just scurry about and so I turned my head towards the bedroom door and you know that space under the door? Where you can see a bit of light from outside the door... I seen a shadow of someone standing there. My heart immediately started racing because for one thing. I did not hear my big door creek so that means no one entered. There isn't really anyone there. But I still seen their silohette standing there. And after I gathered the fact that there wasn't an entry in my house, two seconds later, the shadows start pacing back and forth. And this continued on all night and I never took my eyes off it once. I just laid there clutching my notepad, wide eyed, staring at those shadows. And on top of this pacing shadow, there was a very light tapping on my bedroom door. Like they were knocking.
You think it would only be freaky if I was home by myself, especially at night? Wrong. Another instance was when a friend of mine and I got back to my place in the morning, I'd say about 7:30. The sun was out and light filled the place. So we got into my room on the bed and were about to fall asleep when all of a sudden I hear this muffled groan of some kind. I look up and ask my friend if she heard that. Shes like "Yeah. Is there someone that lives downstairs....?"  We listen again and its this man who sounds kind of like he's in pain and he's asking for help or something. There isnt anything downstairs but the washer and dryer. We got up to check and there was nothing.
 

I usually hate being late for anything, appointments and school and such. I was late for school today but that was planned for about a week because I had an appointment today. It feels kind of wierd coming in after class starts. Like, different. Because everyone knows something I don't. What was said in the beginning. And I'm walking around, blind. And that usually leads me to feel like I shouldn't have come in after my appointment. Just took the entire day off to do whatever I want. School is getting duller and duller each week. My brain isn't being challenged. Yet.

I have another appointment this thursday. I never had a GP before, and I'm 23 now so... I'm told its a good idea to have a GP. The thing is, I don't really know what to expect. They asked if I ever had a physical before and I'm like "No..." So I'm guessing there going to do blood tests and check my bones and joints and see if I'm healthy? Yeah, I'll find out soon enough...

I'm pretty stoked about this wednesday. Being that it is Remembrance Day and there are no classes.

School is going really well right now. I'm not behind in anything whatsoever. Infact, I went beyond that and did extra because most of the time I'm sitting there with nothing to do. Anyway. Me and this girl in my class were talking about taking extra courses with another school next semester. I'm thinking that it's gonna be a good idea and it'll pay off. See, I say that now but when it comes time to it, will it work? I'm going to go ahead and apply with her for those evening classes and when it starts I'll see if I can manage and go from there.
 

I'm already in school until June.. 9AM to 3:30PM Monday to Friday. And the courses I'm going to take run from 6:30PM-9:30PM Monday to Thursday. So, I think I can handle the extra work load. We'll see.

I've been looking for a good GP for the past couple of years now, off and on I'll really put in effort without success. So I called my brothers GP and made an appointment with him, but thats not until November. Ah, well. I'll wait longer for a good doctor any way.

I need new icons now.

I logged in.
 

And forgot what I was gonna say.
 

Oh, shit. Ma. You had no idea how close I was to delivering my letter. I stood in the doorway, tears in my eyes. As you asked me where I was going... I planned on going for a walk after I gave you the letter to give you time to react. But I couldn't. I just looked you in the eyes and knew that now isn't the time. My heart raced. My heart ached. And I left, letter still in my hand. And walked. I just kept walking.

I'm in desperate need of an evening+weeked job. But the question is. Am I willing to let go of all my precious free time...

Shit. I wonder.
 

She's a psycho, I'll admit to that. I don't know, man. She was getting annoying, even though she was in the other room and I'm like, fuck. Okay. Can you turn your music down? Few seconds pass. She says, Can I have my hat back? Uhh, no. Why would she want it any way it does not by any means suit her at all. It's a mans hat. So. I say no. She walks up to me and tries to grab it off my head, I push her hand away. And then she flinches and turns into a total psycho. The entire time she has this eerie as fuck smile on her face and I'm getting even more mad. Bitch just step out of the way, alright? I'm tryin' to watch TV, here 'kay? And she says;

I want you to hurt me so bad. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.
Throw me against the wall
Make me bleed

I obviously didn't do anything to her.

But. Fuck man. She's got some isssues. I feel bad for her but she can get annoying real quick. So I'm gonna stay away and ignore her. I gave her the hat back, well.. I left it on the table when I left this morning. But it's not about the hat. The principle is that she is losing her mind or something. Very, very self-destructive. And there's not a thing I can do. I care, of course. But what the fuck do I if she keeps joking about suicide and shit.

I know she only does it for the attention of our dear mother.